I’m pro breastfeeding. How couldn’t I be? I was breastfed and practically everyone I know successfully breastfed their children for
months. While pregnant, my husband and I attended the prenatal classes. We even attended the three hour breastfeeding class. From the nurses at the hospital, to my friends and family to the “Experts agree on the many benefits of breast milk” blurb on the formula packaging, I’ve heard the message loud and clear: “Breast is Best”.
Nursing may be a natural process, but for me, trying to determine the “perfect” position while holding my floppy, wriggling newborn, either wincing, sucking in a panic or falling asleep was anything but natural.
My daughter was a pro at latching when she wanted to be… Breastfeeding didn’t cause me terrible pain. My nipples weren’t cracking and bleeding, which many of my friends have experienced. However, she either fell asleep right away or seemed terribly hungry even after 40 minutes on one breast. At that point I would supplement with formula to make sure she was getting enough, get her back to bed and then pump to keep my milk supply up. After the nearly 2-hour process, we would start all over again…
Normal or not, the nighttime feeding process wasn’t working for us. I was getting sick. I found myself frazzled and not eating during the day. I was completely overwhelmed and consumed with the “Baby Nursing” app that I was forgetting the most important thing: enjoying time with my newborn and doing my best to make sure she is healthy.
I visited a lactation consultant on two separate occasions. My daughter was gaining weight and everything seemed to be going just fine, but we couldn’t tell if it was because I was supplementing or if she was getting enough breast milk. In order to help eliminate the nighttime craziness we decided that I would pump when she wanted to eat and bottle feed her breast milk. We bought a great pump and stocked up on freezer and refrigerator storage containers. However, I had no use for storage; I was pumping at most 2 ounces combined in a 20 minute pumping session. I was in tears and had the feeling that I was failing my first mommy test.
After going back and forth with my husband, who was going to support my decision either way, and a conversation with her pediatrician, I decided to stop the breastfeeding madness and transition to exclusively formula feeding.
The decision was made. Despite the fact that I felt like a failure and was consumed with guilt, the feeding process became smoother and more enjoyable for both of us.
Since I’ve made the decision 2 ½ weeks ago, I dread the topic coming up in conversation with other moms because I feel like I’m being judged or viewed as a quitter. The guilt is still there because we’re now determining which formula works best with her tummy and gas, but we’re getting there. Haven just had her 1 month check-up and got rave reviews.
The reality of my vision of a glowing breastfeeding mom cradling her happily latched baby is actually a sleep deprived, un-showered mom with a formula-filled bottle feeding her gassy baby. However, at the end of the day, I realized that don’t get an award whether I breastfeed or formula feed. The award is looking into the eyes of my newborn baby girl and having the mutual feeling of true love and knowing that we’re doing what works best for us; “breast” or not.
Good for you choosing what’s best for your family! What your baby needs is a happy mama that isn’t stressed to tears all the time about nursing. I nurse & supplement with formula for my son now and did the same with my first. I have enough when we are home together but don’t pump enough when I am at work (definitely adds to the working mom guilt, let me tell you!) so we add formula. He is happy and healthy & doing fine, as I’m sure your daughter is. It is hard, it will always be hard, but motherhood is one hard decision after another with no right answers. My girlfriends and I had 6 babies this year, and we have all made different feeding decisions. Good luck to you!
Good for you Tiffany!!! You chose your daughter first! You are a great mom. The whole breastfeeding dilemna is insane. It is funny that people seem to know what is best for you when they don’t even know your circumstances!! The choice is individual for everyone and no one else’s business. Now Haven (beautiful name btw) can enjoy growing up with a less stressed and happy mother. Formula has everything breastmilk does and has been allowing babies to thrive for generations. Anyone can have a baby but not everyone can care about their baby so much that they agonize over their choices. Haven is a lucky girl to have such a smart mama!!
Thank you Tiffany for this honest post, although I was able to breastfeeding for 5.5 months, at 5 months I hurt my back severely and my supply went way down and I decided the nest thing for me was to stop, because I personally felt it would help me get better faster so I could get back to taking care of my daughter faster…but I felt terribly guilty and like I gave up, but this post has honestly made my feel like my decision was justified and O.K. Thank you
Tiffany what a great post! I told my husband that in my opinion breastfeeding was ten times harder than labor and delivery. The first few weeks were so stressful, I was a total mess and no one prepares you for how hard it really is. I took the breastfeeding class in addition to all of the normal prep before Marty came but I wasn’t prepared for the reality of the situation. From the super pushy hospital nurses to everyone and their mother giving you their opinion, let alone the fact that you feel it is your utmost responsibility to feed your child and God forbid you fail at that, it is a very trying time. I know women who don’t have supportive husbands, family members or friends who push them to continue trying, to hold on for a few more weeks when all they want to do is quit. And I feel terrible for mothers who feel the guilt after switching to formula when what they are doing is saving their sanity and are able to rest more and be more engaged with their babies! So I’m very happy to see your post because it is an honest reflection of what so many women think every day!
reading your post, i was re-living my experience with oliver. your last statement is spot on! hope all is well! i adore your photos, especially w/ tommy & her napping, that’s seriously the best! keep it up mama! love ya!
Love all the responses and agree with everyone above. You’re a terrific mom, it’s a personal choice and you do what’s best for you and your family. The fact that you’re a healthy, stable and loving mom who is trying to make the best possible decisions for your baby is the most important point.<3
What a great post Tiffany. You made a good choice for you and the baby and that makes you the BEST mom EVER. I never breast fed my sons (who are now 8 and 6) because I just knew that it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I loathed the nurses for being nasty to me (while in the hospital) because I chose not to breast feed. I hated the guilt and the reactions from other moms… even to this day… they have said things like “you didn’t breast feed?” or “oh, really… interesting”. Like I am a bad mom because I didn’t even “try”. But, I just internally laughed at their judgement and remember how healthy and fat and happy my babies were then. And they have gotten great reviews from their check-ups every month/year since.
I don’t doubt that “breast is best”. But it’s not “best” for everyone.
Do what works for YOU and the baby! Happy mommy, happy baby.
You made a great choice! I went through something similar with my son… I just flowed too fast for him and after 6 weeks of killing myself to make it work and drowning him, I started weaning him to formula… I made the choice after a 2 a.m. feeding where I squirted him in the eye and he started crying and then I was crying and my hubby was running around like a chicken with his head cut-off trying to defuse the situation and even the dog started barking… Needless to say that was the low point!
Balancing the whole pumping schedule and bottle feeding schedule was SO tough! I felt like all I was going was being milked or giving milk without much in between expect a few poopy diapers.
My biggest piece of advice is to find acceptance in your decision and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it! Remember, Haven is YOUR baby after-all!
Thank you for being so honest! Much like you, I couldn’t bear to do it past 2 1/2 weeks. I was just overtired and barely producing enough to make it worth while. As soon as we started with the bottle, life became so much easier for us and i was finally able to enjoy time with my son instead of stressing out over whether or not it was time to nurse or if he was getting enough or falling asleep.
Thank you for being so brave to share your story!